


Konoha's Redhead

by Chronoes



Category: Naruto
Genre: Chuunin Exams, Crack, Dont be like Naruto, Naruto Has No Chill, Naruto beats up everybody, Onbu filler episode, Red-Haired Uzumaki Naruto, Sasuke Retrieval Arc, Search for Tsunade arc, don't mess with uzumaki's, kazekage rescue arc, violence is not the answer
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-01
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:13:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 4,842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27813598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chronoes/pseuds/Chronoes
Summary: Never call an Uzumaki a tomato head.
Relationships: Akatsuki & Uzumaki Naruto, Gaara & Uzumaki Naruto, Hyuuga Neji & Uzumaki Naruto, Inuzuka Kiba & Uzumaki Naruto, Onbu & Uzumaki Naruto, Uchiha Sasuke & Uzumaki Naruto, Uzumaki Naruto & Yakushi Kabuto
Comments: 50
Kudos: 157
Collections: Foxy fox 🦊





	1. Kiba VS Naruto

“ _Yahoo_!” Kiba cheered as he walked down the spectator stage. 

He was gonna beat Naruto’s ass so easily, he’ll make the _redhead_ wish he was never born! 

Kiba hummed happily with hands in his pockets with Akamaru following beside him. 

Naruto followed him and stood right in front of him in the battling arena as they waited for Hayate to begin the match. 

Naruto looked dirty and looked exhausted; it was gonna be easy to beat him, Kiba thought with a smirk but his smirk went _wider_ at the thought of the redhead bleeding helplessly and crying for the match to stop _pathetically_. 

Kiba’s gonna become a chunin quickly and humiliate the redhead _in front of everybody._

“Are you ready?” Hayate asked, looking at the two small genins. 

Naruto nodded with a smile. 

Kiba nodded with a smirk. 

Akamaru barked in response. 

“Get ready.. _Go_!” Hayate moved back for the two genins to fight, but for some reason, Naruto and Kiba just stood there looking at each other; just gazing at each other as they smiled at each other. 

“Naruto, you should quit. You’re no match for me.” Kiba warned, looking at Naruto with a pitiful mocking face. 

The redhead only grinned and only remarked that Kiba _was the one_ going to get beaten up. 

And that’s when Kiba should’ve kept his mouth shut. 

_“No way, you’re gonna win, tomato head.”_ Kiba teased, and now Kiba _wishes_ he didn’t say that. 

Because Uzumaki Naruto, a redhead and an Uzumaki _to the core_ , knocked Kiba’s face with _tremendous_ brute strength with only one fist and insane speed — Kiba is _thrown_ out of the building with _multiple_ broken teeths and a fractured jaw.

Akamaru whines in fear. 

Everybody's eyes go wide. 

Even _Gaara_ , the fucking creepiest and terrifying person in the room goes eye wide as he starts shaking like he’s on fire, saying weird shit like ‘ _mother_ ’. 

And Naruto is smiling hard with _visible_ veins popping out of his clenched fist. 

“ _Don’t call me a tomato head_ ,” Naruto said, breathing harshly against his tightly clenched teeth with a pissed off eye smile. 

But it’s not like it would matter if Kiba heard him.

Kiba learned the hard way. 

Don’t disrespect an Uzumaki. 


	2. Neji Vs Naruto

A strong wind blows Naruto’s red locks behind his ears.

Naruto stands in front of a prideful Neji standing in his clan fighting stance and he parts his legs getting ready for the fight. 

The two wait for the host to start the fight while the crowd gets heated and impatient, wanting to see two kids fighting for their lives. 

Naruto makes a gesture he did when he vowed to beat Neji up for Hinata during the exams. 

“I vow to win,” Naruto says loudly, _so_ confident that he’ll win. 

Neji only arrogantly smirks saying that he won’t win. 

Naruto’s red eyebrows curl in anger. 

He’ll teach Neji an _ass whooping._

Neji grins at the silent angered face Naruto has. 

He lets out a mocking chuckle, coming up with a taunt that’ll make Naruto lose his confidence but It seems Neji has forgotten... it’s been a single month… _of course, Neji forgot_ and the taunt slips out of his lips. 

_“Don’t get your hope up, tomato head.”_

Neji’s veins become visible on his face as he activities his Bakugan. 

The host only takes a look at the smiling redhead Uzumaki Naruto and steps away from the two - only _intimidated_ by the air Naruto unexpectedly has. 

“Ready…. Go!” The host jumps away from the two genins, afraid of _Naruto_. 

Another gust of wind blows between the two as Naruto smiles so carelessly while Neji concentrates on Naruto. 

And all it took was one blink, and a _similar_ speed of the wind that blew Neji’s hair back --- Neji’s body was _flung_ and engraved into the stadium wall with a loud vibration shaking the entire place. 

The crowd went silent. 

Kiba got _scared_. 

The two Kages went silent and eye wide. 

The other contestant's breath stopped -- _no_ , everybody's breath stopped while Naruto casually walked to a Neji stuck in a wall. 

Neji coughed out blood as he was in a world of pain. 

“ _Who are you calling a tomato?_ ” Naruto mumbled with an angry tone. Naruto tilted his head to the side as he peered at Neji engraved in a wall. 

Neji couldn’t say anything. 

“That’s what I _thought_.” Naruto says, with a smile, leaning onto the side of his hip and giving a nasty eye smile towards the bleeding Neji, before turning around to look at the silent audience. 

“It must’ve been _fate_ you lost, _stupid_ ,” Naruto grumbled before walking away. 

The crowd was still too quiet as they still needed time to process how the hell Neji was standing for a _second_ before being _stuck_ in a wall, the next. 

“ _W-winner… Uzumaki Naruto_ ….” the host quietly mumbled, still staring at the red hair genin. 

The crowd finally cheers awkwardly. 

Medics run to Neji, trying to remove him from the wall.

It takes _thirty minutes_ for Neji to be removed from the stadium wall.


	3. Gaara VS Naruto

Fear. 

_Fear_ and _panic_ swallow Naruto. 

He doesn’t know what he looks like while he stares at Gaara with wide eyes. 

Gaara smiles. He chuckles so _evilly_ and his eyes are enlarged with murder and malice. 

Naruto _thinks_ he might die. 

“So how about now?!” Gaara shouts, a bundle of spittle flying everywhere, and that giant ass sand claw waves around making Naruto’s _red_ sideburns brush behind his ears. 

“Come! I’ll demolish that strength you had defeating Hyuuga! I’ll _grind_ your spirit and smash down your power!” Gaara taunts, and his grin is so wide and evil Naruto thinks Gaara might tear his face from the grin.

“I’ll slowly torment you while you watch all your friends agonize! Then I’ll leave you last! I’ll watch you pathetically cry and beg for demise! come on! Fascinate me more Uzumaki Naruto! Show me your strength!” Gaara shrieks manically and he breathes heavily, gaping at Naruto like he’s some trophy he’ll receive after he annihilates everybody around him and Naruto. 

Naruto takes a small step back frightened by the murderous rage Gaara possesses. 

Gaara seems to take notice and cruelly grins. He makes a slight twitch with his fingers. 

“... _—CK_!” Sakura groans in pain, her pink eyebrows curl in pain and she coughs for air. Sakura was powerless to break free. 

“So what’s your gamble?! Uzumaki Naruto?! Deceive your friends and leave?! Sparing yourself only while I slaughter your friends?!” Gaara yells, wanting more of Naruto’s obvious fear. 

Naruto can hear Sasuke’s grunts of pain and he looks at Sasuke. 

What the hell happened to Sasuke? Why _does—-_ “ _——...AAAAHH!!_ ” Sakura screams in pain as the sand around her tiny frame squeezes her harshly. 

Naruto looks at Gaara once more and Gaara's grins get _enormous_. 

Gaara is getting impatient; Naruto has to concentrate on Gaara. Not his friends. 

Shit. But Naruto wasn’t strong… _no way_ , he could fight a fucking monster that looked like a devil. 

“Ngnhahaahha! HA HA _HAHAHA_!” Gaara laughs, enjoying the silent tension. Gaara’s eyes roll back when he thinks how pleasant mother will be once he’s killed the three weak ninjas. 

They’re not even worth his time, but for mother, for the _blood_ being drenched on him, for the _taste_ of their distasteful blood in his mouth, maybe it was worth being in their inadequate presence. 

“I’ll crush all of you! I’ll break your bones Uzumaki Naruto! I’ll squish your flesh and leave your bones scattered everywhere!” Gaara screams, shaking his head so violently, envisioning how beautiful the scene will be. 

“ _NOW! COME AT ME TOMATO HEAD—!_ ” Gaara screams, taunting the redhead’s nickname. 

Gaara wasn’t wrong, Naruto did look like a tomato — _a ripe tomato_ if being specific. 

Gaara’s eyes roll around in pleasure at the thought of killing a smiling and annoying Uzumaki Naruto, and the second Gaara looks down at the pitiful scared redhead — Gaara _feels_ his sand crack. 

All of his sand armor _breaks_ and the sand surrounding his tiny body isn’t _able_ to keep up with Naruto’s insane speed. 

Gaara is hurled to the floor at an insane speed, and his shoulders _dislocate_. Gaara's exposed nape burns and _tears_ against the dirt. He can’t see, the flying dirt goes in his eyes and his nose is stuffed with the dirt fume following his body. 

Gaara’s body is on fire. His body feels like a pebble being roughly thrown into dirt creating a very long trail of a dark curve on the grass. 

Gaara gasped severely after a very long session of being hurled onto the dirt floor. 

“ _Who’s the one dying_?” Uzumaki Naruto says, emitting a fucking scary ass vibe that wins against Gaara’s murderous vibes. 

“Tell me, _red hair_?” Naruto mumbled harshly emerging from the tree shadows to walk into the sun’s ray. 

Gaara feels terrified as his body screams in pain, it hurts to twitch a limb. 

Gaara feels _very scared_ when he realizes his sand can not move. 

Uzumaki Naruto’s tremendous strength made Gaara’s chakra points go numb in shock. 

“Get away!” Gaara screams pathetically. He’s scared. He never met anybody that could K.O him so quickly. Who was Uzumaki Naruto? 

“Stay where you are!” Gaara knows how fucking miserable he sounds but what will happen if Uzumaki Naruto touches him? 

What will happen to him if he touches something he’s not supposed to be touching? 

“I won’t let you——“ 

“— _—but why is it that I can understand you_?” Naruto mumbles while slowly walking, silencing Gaara off completely. 

“Why is it that….I can feel your pain?” Naruto mumbles, looking at the bright sun for a moment before looking down at Gaara. 

Gaara stays quiet. 

“The loneliness you speak about…. I.. why do I understand that so well?” Naruto mumbles, coming closer to a silent eye-wide Gaara. 

“It’s hard to endure….. the empty sadness of not wanting to be wanted by anybody…” Naruto monotonously says, looking at Gaara’s eyes that showed nothing but shock. 

“But I have people to protect…. and if you want to threaten them… I’ll punch you.. I don’t want my precious people to die.” Naruto lifted his fist to punch Gaara. 

Gaara’s stomach tingles in fear. Gaara could finally breathe and all he smelled was _his_ blood from the dry burns he suffered from Naruto’s fist. 

“Why?” Gaara mumbles, _trying to stop t_ hat scary-ass fist that's raised to punch him. 

“....I love them…..that’s why.” Naruto mumbles, ready to aim his fist on Gaara’s _exposed_ belly. 

Gaara’s murderous rage screaming inside of his head telling him to run gets louder, but Naruto’s fist freezes and he looks at Gaara _as if remembering something._

“ _Right..…. So who are you calling a tomato?_ ” Naruto mumbles so faintly, Gaara feels scared when Uzumaki Naruto’s fist seems to reach lower and lower to his stomach. 

Temari came too late. 

And Gaara will never _underestimate_ Uzumaki Naruto ever again. 

Screw being a murder. Gaara doesn’t want to face an Uzumaki Naruto that can _destroy_ all the monsters that taunt his hair color in his youthful life ever again. 


	4. Kabuto VS Naruto

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't really remember how the fight between the three sannin went

“You’re nothing, Naruto-kun,” Kabuto says with an evil grin. It was _nothing_ like the Kabuto Naruto _knew_ during the Chunin exams. 

Who was this person? Why did he look like Kabuto? Why was Kabuto being so mean like the villagers who despised him? Naruto thinks as he defends a shaking Tsunade. 

“I mean that’s why Sasuke-kun surpasses you when it comes to comparing strength and mind. You’re just a mere genin who got lucky.” Kabuto bickers with amusement. 

Naruto’s red eyebrows furrow. His heart hurts. 

_Why Kabuto? Why would you…? How could you…?_

“Naruto!” Jiariya yells, bringing Naruto’s attention to him. “Can you do your summoning?! We have to escape with Tsunade!” He yelled with a heavy gasp following along. 

Shit, Shizune was out and Jiraiya was fucking drugged. 

“You have no talent, Naruto-kun.” Kabuto mocks, enjoying Naruto’s face of betrayal that instantly brings Naruto to look at him. 

Naruto shakes his red hair frantically. They needed to escape! Naruto had no idea where the fuck Orochimaru was but he couldn’t take on someone on Jiraiya's level! 

Naruto violently bites his thumb, jumping away from Kabuto while defending Tsunade who is still shaking on the floor. 

Naruto does the hand signs to summon the chief and the moment he presses his hands to the floor and watches the contracts seals paint grass. 

Naruto’s eyes widened. 

“ _Oi_! What the hell do you want?!” 

Naruto pauses. Kabuto pauses. 

“Oi! It’s you! Why did you summon me?! You better have some snacks!” 

What…. the _fuck_. 

“WHAT THE HELL?! WHERE IS CHIEF?!” Naruto yells at the midget frog. 

“Huh?! Is that how you are?! You’re those type of summoners who play favorites?!” The frog yells back and Kabuto is laughing. 

“ _See_? You’re pathetic to compare to Sasuke.” Kabuto mumbled between his laughter. 

Naruto’s heart hurts, he hates being compared to Sasuke. 

“You’re a hated orphan loathed by everybody in your village, a good for nothing and a useless Uzumaki.” Kabuto snarls, walking up to a frozen Naruto who freezes from Kabuto’s harsh words looking so baffled and affected by the words. 

“NARUTO!” Jiraiya yells, trying to get up from the dirt Orochimaru engraved him into. 

“And what does Konoha want with a _useless_ and a _tomato_ head ninja?” Kabuto mocks with a Kunai with his hand, ready to murder Uzumaki Naruto. 

Naruto’s baby blue eyes _darken_. 

Kabuto freezes. Tsunade freezes. Orochimaru freezes. Jiraiya freezes. TonTon freezes. The midget frog freezes.

Naruto grins _insanely_. 

“ _To beat up people like you._ ” Uzumaki Naruto says and Kabuto swears that he saw Naruto’s red hair _float_ up in rage but before he can even process the _devilish appearance_ Uzumaki Naruto has —- his lungs, they’re burning. it feels like there's a hole in his lungs and Kabuto’s body is flung into the air and then to dirt, scraping his skin and breaking his legs. 

Kabuto tumbles and rolls onto the broken dirt as his body can't stop fucking rolling around from the tremendous strength Naruto has so _similar_ to Tsunade's brute strength. 

Naruto slowly walks up to a coughing Kabuto while the three legendary sannins are frozen in shock, just watching the little redhead genin walk up to Kabuto so _calmly_ with a smile on his face and a _visible_ clenched fist with veins popping out. 

Jiraiya swears that Naruto’s red hair is flying up in anger but he thinks it’s just the drugs Tsunade drugged him with. 

“ _One smash tomato coming right up!_ ” Naruto screams, lifting Kabuto’s shirt so he can _aim_ his very tightly clenched fist at Kabuto’s face. 

Naruto grins and Kabuto is so fucking scared because now Uzumaki Naruto's eyes are glowing evilly while they pierce him. 

“ _AHHHHH_!!!” Kabuto shrieks as the time for him gets slower. 

Was this what they meant by whenever you die time is _insanely_ _slow_?

Orochimaru stands there in shock watching Uzumaki Naruto bring his clenched fist down to Kabuto’s face. He can feel the _earth-shattering_ vibration as Uzumaki Naruto's strength surpasses Tsuande’s stupid strength. 

Jiraiya is frozen. He watches his grandson fucking beat the shit out of a bloody Kabuto who had the same strength as Kakashi. Shit, now he’ll have to remember to never get _drunk_ around Naruto. 

And Tsunade is eye wide and she stops shaking. Holy shit, maybe it was _wrong_ for her to pick on Uzumaki Naruto. He was stronger than her whenever someone taunts about his red hair. 

“ _Who are you calling a tomato? Want another royal smack down?_ " Naruto mumbled faintly and Kabuto's bruised face was unable to reply. Naruto raises his veiny fist to punch Kabuto one more time. 

Orochimaru’s stomach flutters with want. Screw the Uchiha brat! Orochimaru _needs_ this Uzumaki brat instead! 

Orochimaru's flexible neck flies up into the air to target Naruto’s visible nape but Tsunade punches him so _quickly_ Orochimaru’s head is numb with pain and his main body falls into a _similar_ tumbling like Kabuto before he was K.O by Naruto. 

Naruto turns to look at Orochimaru’s snake neck on the broken grass he stood on and he makes _eye contact_ with Orochimaru's head. 

Naruto grins, emitting evil that _surpasses_ him. 

“One more smashed tomato coming up but _this time with a bit of a snake flavor_.” 

Orochimaru _screams_.


	5. Sasuke VS Naruto

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot what happened in the sasuke rescue arc

_Holy fuck_. 

Naruto keeps chasing and _chasing_ after Sasuke until he finally stops right at the Sound's borderline. 

Sasuke turns around to look at Naruto while standing on top of Uchiha Madara’s statue head. 

Sasuke has a cruel smile on his face. 

“Naruto, I’m here to break our bond with you,” Sasuke said and his cruel voice echoed loudly in the running waterfall where they stood. 

Naruto’s heart _breaks_. 

“W-why?” Naruto mumbled but it reached Sasuke’s ears despite their lengthy distance. 

“I gain nothing by being at Konoha,” Sasuke retorts, turning his heels to leave. 

“ _Sasuke_! Why are you doing this?! I don’t understand!” Naruto yelled and panicked when Sasuke’s back was all Naruto could see. 

Sasuke halted. 

“I don’t understand! Me, Shikamaru, Kiba, Neji, and Chouji are risking our life’s for you! To bring you back!” Naruto shouted, trying to convince a stiff back Sasuke. 

Naruto’s eyes dim back to a crying Sakura who _begged_ him to bring Sasuke back with a broken voice. 

“I won’t let you leave to join Orochimaru!” Naruto shouts, hoping his echoes would reach into Sasuke’s deaf ears. 

“Why?” Sasuke snarls, finally turning to look at a broken face Naruto.

“B-because I’m your friend!” Naruto replies, taking a step forward. 

“And?” 

“Sakura-chan _needs_ you!” 

“And?” 

Naruto could not say anything else. 

“See? You fools have ‘ _needs_ ’ but where do _I_ come in? What do you need me for? What will I gain by staying at Konoha Naruto? Tell me.” 

Naruto stayed quiet. 

“That’s right. _Nothing_. Naruto, leave. I’m going to join Orochimaru.” Sasuke says and spun towards the Sound's borderline. 

Naruto tenses and jumps to stop Sasuke. 

“I won’t let you go! Even if I have to break your bones!” Naruto screams. 

He _had_ to do this! For Sakura! For Shikamaru and the rest! And for him! His best friend! 

Sasuke hits his face and Naruto’s chest goes numb as he falls onto Uchiha Madara’s spikes, nearly falling down the waterfall. 

Sasuke is fighting him as if he was an _enemy_ , Naruto realizes. 

Cold numbness spreads Naruto’s chest like a virus and a faint sting builds up in his eyes. 

“Naruto, give it up. I’m stronger than you. _What could a tomato head like you do_?” Sasuke says with a cruel smirk on his head. 

Sasuke looks at Naruto who is on the floor still dealing with the pain in his heart and he turns to the Sound border as if Naruto was _never worth his time_. 

But before he could take a step off Uchiha’s Madara’s head, a strong hand _pulled_ him back. 

Sasuke’s head is smashed into the statue's head, and his head is throbbing in pain and there’s a tightly clenched fist aiming at his stomach. 

Sasuke’s head is still in shock and the tightly clenched fist with popping veins _slams_ into his stomach at a rapid speed. 

And there goes blood splattering out of his mouth. 

_“To beat your ass up,”_ Naruto answered, looking down at Sasuke as if he was possessed by a demon. 

The mission was a success. 

Naruto ends up carrying Sasuke like a _rag_ on his shoulder and it looks like Sand assistance wasn’t even _needed_ or the Leaf’s genin sent out for the mission wasn’t needed _either_.

Everybody’s eyes and mouth _drop open_ as Naruto _casually_ walks back to Konoha’s front gates with no injuries on him and with a K.O _Uchiha_ _Sasuke_ on his shoulder. 

Naruto hums casually, ignoring all the attention on him as he brings a limp Uchiha Sasuke to Konoha’s hospital and a fringe of _red hair_ brushes his face. 

Don’t say that Uzumaki Naruto is useless. 

You’ll end up as _Sasuke_. 


	6. Onbu VS Naruto

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't help it. I loved Onbu. 
> 
> (If anybody is confuse who onbu or onbaa is, it’s a animal that was in the Naruto anime series.]

Naruto has no idea what’s happening but he’s _scared_. 

Right now, Onbu’s mother is standing on her feet, glaring at Naruto with _bloodlust_ and _malicious_ intent. 

“Onbu! I think that’s your mom!” Uzumaki Naruto screams, looking at Onbu behind his ears.

“ _Onbbaa! Onbaaa!_ ” Onbu says. 

“Onbu! It’s your mom! She wants you back!!” Naruto screams, taking a step back when Onbu’s mother takes a step forward. He can feel the cliff quake from Onbu's mother's weight, and he instantly looks behind to see a dead end. If he goes too far, he’ll _die_! Naruto grimaces in fear. 

“Onbuuuu!!! Onbu! Onbu!” Onbu says to Naruto’s red locks, clutching onto his orange jumpsuit with his undeveloped claws. 

“ _ONNNNBUUUUUU_!! _ONBU_! _ONBU_!” Onbu’s mother yells, waving her hands to the side as a gesture that Naruto Is not his mother.

 _What the hell?! How could you neglect your child?!_ Naruto thinks when his red spiky hair flies back from Onbu’s mother shouts. Onbu tightens up on Naruto’s back out of fear. 

“AHHHHHHHH!!!” Naruto screams when Onbu’s mother gets closer and closer. “ONBU!!” Naruto yells looking at Onbu again who still quivers in fear. “AHHHHHH!!!” Naruto screams when Onbu’s mother stomps the cliff making Naruto lose his _balance_ and _fall_ off the cliff. 

“ _ONBBUUUUUUUU_!!!” Naruto screams while falling. His throat scorching scream echoes around large terrain but it doesn’t reach Onbu’s ears. 

“ONBUUUUU!!” Onbu’s mother howls, convincing her child to come back to her. “ _ONBU_ _ONBU_!” She shouts again, waving her hands around to persuade her child into her arms. 

“Onbu…..?” Onbu says, still shaking from his fear. “Onbu…?” Onbu repeats, stepping closer to his mother with a small tremble. 

And like his mother, Onbu’s eyes turn red and become fully developed. 

“ _ONBUUU_!” Onbu yells, roaring his development into the air. 

“What the hell?!” Naruto shouts, finally climbing up the mountain to reach Onbu. “Onbu! You’re okay!!” Naruto smiles, running towards Onbu who glares at him. 

“ONBUUUU!” Onbu yells with a vibrating roar, lifting his long arms to swing at Naruto. 

“Onbu?!” Naruto shouts confused, with eyebrows curled in pure confusion and automatically defending himself by jumping back.

“ ** _ONBU_**!” Onbu shouts again, not knowing he said the trigger word to unlock Uzumaki Naruto’s hidden ability. 

“OB—-.... _PIIOHHHHH_!!” Onbu’s roar is silenced by sudden pain. Naruto flings Onbu down the mountain with his fist, rolling his large hairy body down to pebbles of rock and dirt, never stopping until the landscape is flat. 

“ _ONBU_!!!!” Onbu’s mother shouts, ready to attack the red hair Uzumaki Naruto, who harmed her child. 

“ ** _ONE MORE!!_** ” Naruto shouts, running with a fist high up in the air to punch Onbu’s mother.

“ _OOOOOONNNNBUUUUUUUUU_!!!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hahahahah time to go back to whatever left is in canon


	7. Deidra & Sasori Vs Naruto

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy 2021

A bundle of blood flies in the air— waving and swishing up and down before falling limp. A tree branch shakes violently, and its green leaves fall to the floor. The solid bundle of blood flows up again, but if you look closely, it wasn’t blood; it was hair, beautiful long red hair that looked like splattered blood, so thick and untamed. But rather than, calling it splattered blood, it resembled a burning phoenix as the blood hair continued to flow in the sun rays. 

And since it was so stunning, no doubt it was an Uzumaki offspring. A tree bark chip from a swift redness in the sky, and those famous orange pants… it was Uzumaki Naruto. 

“Gaara…!” Naruto growled, clenching his yellow teeth tightly. The whiskers on his face gave off an appearance of charcoal smudges on his cheeks, and his dirty-dirt-stained nails bit his palms, as continued to soar on large tree branches to drift to the Akatsuki location. 

“Kakashi—! I’m going ahead!” Naruto didn’t spare a glance towards Chiyo, Sakura, and Kakashi as he yelled that. And Kakashi was glad. Naruto’s breath stinks so bad. After three years of growing and maturing into a teenager.. Why doesn’t Naruto still ever brush his teeth? Kakashi was, sure enough, he would die in the line of duty if he didn't wear his mask. 

Naruto continued to soar until he met up with Team Gai. And he impatiently waited and watched Team Gai dispersed to the locations of the four barriers to open that damn rock. Sakura stepped away from the large rock and so did Naruto. 

Away from the rock and standing far, he tucked his long red hair back, pulling it up in a ponytail, ready to fight. “Sakura!” Kakashi yelled, ripping the large seal away from the rock and Sakura ran with her fist up to smack her first against the coarse texture. The lake severely shuddered, wetting Naruto’s pants. He squinted his eyes when dust flew in the air and coughed at the nasty ass dust particles in his throat. 

However, he wouldn’t wait, and wouldn’t waste so much time, because Gaara was all that mattered right now. 

“Gaara!” He ran into the cave, and his stomach churned at the coldness in the cave. It gave him an uncomfortable vibe that told him he didn't belong here. 

“Well…” Naruto quickly blinked and focused his eyes on the person who spoke. “..then.. Which one of you is the jinchuuriki, I wonder.. mm.” Naruto looked at the blonde man with an awful hairstyle. It was as if someone gave him hairspray and nobody told him when to stop using it. I mean… what the hell was with that spiked up hair..? 

Naruto searched his surroundings to find Gaara, “Mm…” the blonde moaned. And naturally, he turned to that moaning man to find Gaara sleeping. “Gaara!” Naruto shouted, stepping forward without realizing it. Pent-up anger started boiling him and he felt the wrinkles on his face give him a headache. 

“You bastard!” Naruto shouted, “I’ll smash you to pieces!” Naruto looked at the other man. 

Ew. What the hell was that? Naruto has never seen a shinobi that hunched and large on the battlefield. “That one.” the hunched one spoke, gruffly and nonchalant. “Well, seems like it.. Hm.” Naruto turned to the blonde with an awful hairstyle, then to the sleeping Gaara. Was he too late? The last time Gaara slept, Naruto nearly died because of that manic blood-thirsty raccoon. But it isn’t here…. 

“What’re you doing sleeping there lazily! Stand the hell up!” Naruto roared. Sure as hell, Gaara was strong with his sand….but... so.. was he late? “Hey, Gaara are you listening to me?!” He shouted again, and Sakura stared at him concerned. 

“He—“ 

“Stop Naruto!” Kakashi interrupted. Right now, Kakashi couldn't be bothered to deal with Naruto’s annoying ass. Not when S-ranking criminals stood in front of them. 

“Yeah, yeah, don’t you get it? He’s well dead tomato head, mmm.” 

Kakashi twitched and froze, similarly to that one time Obito had accidentally called Kushina a tomato head. Sakura felt a shiver and stood afraid, like that one time Tsunade accidentally punched the shit out of her because she thought she would dodge it. And Chiyo felt as if her granny bones would pop off. 

Deidara felt a shiver, and he oddly enough smirked, when the cold air around him no longer entertained him-- as if telling him to run away. 

And Sasori—- THUNNK!! 

A hasty crusty hand punches Deidara’s and Sasori’s faces. It's strong enough to break Sasori’s doll and Deidara's eyeglass with a clunk. The powerful acceleration of the fist hurls their body back, and they pitifully fly to the back of the cave, scraping their bodies from the sharp edge of the cave. Deidra's body numbs with pain, and he squints and blinks, and another crusty hand smashes his face harshly, resulting in a broken bloody nose. Deidra tries to swerve the aimed fist at his face to stuff his hands into clay but with blood trickling down his eyes, it distracts him and all he sees is flying red hair and glowing white eyes. 

He wheezes and then, there’s a stinky breath that smells like garbage and cheap ramen misting his face that makes him want to puke. Deidara gasps but another wave of stinky breath mists his face and he gives up, passing out cause it reeks. 

Sasori twitches, and he tries to escape his cracked doll body but the moment he tries to, he gets pounded down by a heavy body crashing into him. He shakes and snakes out from the body but a hefty foot stomps on his wooden torso, strong enough to break his wooden body. Sasori spasms and turns his head 360 to stare at the redhead who plodded in him. 

And he gasps. It’s lovely. Crimson red hair flowing up and parting into nine splits and those white glowing eyes…. oh, how beautiful it would be to embalmer that body. But then a fog of stinky breath brushes his face…. And a loud clunk of wood breaks in the cave. 

Chiyo’s lips push agape. Did she just watch her grandson… die? And that easily? 

Kakashi’s knees shook, and he wondered how his deceased sensei could deal with Kushina’s temper. 

And Sakura… well. It was obvious Naruto still surpassed her no matter what.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ninja art: Stinky Breath +Uzumaki Thousands Seals of Anger! 
> 
> I won’t lie. I laughed pretty hard while writing this. Stinky breath sucks when you’re wearing a mask.


End file.
